ON FINDING LOVE written by: Sukito

"Love will find its way even to the loneliest person on the planet, all you have to do is to open up your heart where love can perform its magic."
Every time I pass in front of this house just around the neighborhood, I always see this two old couple, around 80 years old or above, sitting beside each other on their house balcony while talking as they were looking from beyond. Well, it seems to me, though I can't hear what they're talking about, that they're still building their dreams together with their sweet touches on each others hand. Reminds me of this one song, "Growing Old With You", from the movie, "The Wedding Singer".
Actually, I'm not going to talk about love story and romantic moments here. I just have figured out how lucky are those who found their lifetime partners whose going to be with them for the rest of their lives here on Earth. Questions started to bother my mind then. How about those who have remained single despite their old age. Eventhough I believe that being single is a matter of choice, I still ponder if it doesn't bother them that no one's gonna take care of them when they got old. What if someone or anyone who reads this right now will never find his or her soulmate? It's just a sad thought for me that anyone can die in bed alone with no one else on his or her side.
Love will always be in the air especially every Valentines day. And this day will remind the heart broken and the lonesome that they need someone beside them. Or maybe they'll try to convince themselves that it's alright to be single. But still, it's quite an undeniable fact that there's something missing that needs to be filled up by someone or by love itself.
Anyway, everything we do in life is our own choice and what we decide is what we become. If we wanted to be with someone else or somebody... it is with our free will and eager effort to make it happen. Finding love sometimes is hard, but acceptance and patience will make it light.
This are just my thoughts and reflections about the complicated world of love, searching for it, having it and letting go of it, with the pain and sweetness it brings. This is real life and we are not living in fairy tales. But who knows?

A SCRIPTED LIFE? written by: Sukito

"Wherever LIFE will take you, LEARN from it!"
A pregnant woman gave birth to a child after nine months. A child grows. Baptismal, first birthday, second birthday, third birthday, and so on... as time passed by. The child goes to school, nursery, primary, up to secondary years. Making friends along the way. Attraction grows and first crush gets in the way. Falling in love. Then relationship follows... breaking up, ending it, moving on, and making a new one that you can call your special someone, or fighting for that person who made you feel how first love blooms. Going to college. Pursuing to finish your studies while getting a degree. Some gets another degree if they're wealthy enough or just love learning over and over again because it adds up to your title, your additional credential in your biodata. Others find a job after graduating to college. One course is enough especially if you have to work for your family. To give your parents a comfortable life. You can also regard it as paying it back forward to your mother and father for bringing you up the way you were right now. Others find a good and stable job that can provide even for building a new family. Others don't and just keeps on being a contractual, renewing contracts, and finding a new job for the nth time. While some... unemployed and jobless.
Unfortunately, some got lost along the way. Where road is tough and life is bitter. There are many who walks on this world and just taking their last breath who doesn't even know how it feels like to go into school, to even write a name or just read a simple letter... yet learns how to count even the simplest addition and subtraction. Some falls into vices, drug addiction, alcoholism, sex addiction, severe depression, big amount of debts, alone... with nothing on the pocket and with no one to lean on. Those who can't cope up of losing a loved one, who can't let go of fading memories, of torturing traumas that's digging up beneath their brain. Many who fails in life just quit and accepts the failure while others unfortunately loses their sanity and builds a fantasy of their own. Far from all life's troubles and problems... far from reality. But there were those who don't walk away from the game of life where everything for them is a challenge... where hardships strengthens them and burns the fire in their heart. Giving them the adrenaline rush that drives them to continue moving forward. To fight brave and square... and succeeding in the end where life is sweet and unpredictable.
Wedding bells ring and settling down is an option. A lifetime status of being "single" for the others, keeps on searching desperately. Looking for that someone who holds the other half of their heart. Others manages of being alone. They say they were happy and it's their choice. Isn't it? Those who got a divine calling and follow their vocation of being a priest, a nun, or a monk maybe.
For me, life is still a mystery yet a scripted one. Only that we are the one who chooses our own scripts and roles to act. We do not know what it holds for us. Maybe life is just one percent destiny and the rest is what we make it... of what we wanted to be. Life is like a cycle... we live in routines of doing everything within sunrise and sunset, of growing up and growing old, from a single cell into a dust of the Earth. I think, we should seize the day! Make the best out of ourselves in everything we do. Learning a lesson in life's bitterness and rejoicing with gratitude in life's sweetness. One's life victory is not measured by how one successfully lives but by how one rose up in every fall. Sounds cliche but true.
After wedding bells and honeymoons, one will become a mother and will give birth. A new child will be born. And the cycle goes on and on...

SUICIDE... A CRY FOR HELP! written by: Sukito

"People don't die from suicide... they die from sadness".
A normal boy who always smile later found dead in his room, shot himself while leaving a suicide note beside him. A happy and friendly girl, overdosed herself with pills... killing herself after a break up with her boyfriend and she is pregnant. A responsible parent poisoning his/her children and killed himself/herself afterwards because of poverty and financial crisis. A life... wasted because of depression... because of suicide... because of the insensitivity of the people around them.
Suicide is intentionally hurting or killing yourself and ending your life believing that you are hopeless and in deep sorrow. A state of mind in dilemma and great confusion. It is human's way of saying, "I quit". Those who commit suicide has this not in the right path and unreliable mindset... thinking that ending one's life will end up their problems as well, which for me is false and a selfish act. False, because there's always a solution in any problem (though sounds cheesy), only if the one who is burdened will have a strong hold on his/her faith in whatever religion. A selfish act because the person who commits suicide only thinks of himself and how will he be out of the trouble without considering the burden of those he or she will leave after his death. I do not condemn those who have committed suicide, dead or alive, but the act and the thought of it. I'm not trying to be preachy and I don't hold judging opinions about this matter because I've been down there and I know how it feels when you are in a situation where darkness is blacker than black... and you are feeling alone... seeing no one and hearing no one while searching for even the little possible light you can vaguely see. Definitely, people who commit suicide are the persons who's in need for moral, emotional, and professional support and suicide is just their desperate way of crying for help. People who can't even understand themselves on how the way they think, act and feel in any bad circumstances they are into.
I remember one time when I've accidentally turned the channel in one show and they're topic was "depression". In the show, Oprah Winfrey said something about that "depression ' is like getting trapped underneath the building after the earthquake while hearing the rescuers say, "no one's down there anymore, let's go and leave", and they can't hear you no matter how hard you shout and call for help where no single voice is coming out of your mouth as you hear the rescuers' voices fade away.
When you try to balance and ponder the situation, it's not really "suicide" that kills but 'depression". Depression simply means a very deep sorrow and anxiety and emptiness that one feels. Much worst if you have it for a longer period of time within you. So, better never nurture it... in your mind and in your heart. It's a silent disease... like a soul-eating termite that bites each pieces of your character in pain. Until you come to realize that all your hope is gone and you are just a vulnerable dust that will be taken by the deadly wind when it blows and whisper into your head... saying, "hey, you're game is over... quit now!". To make it short, the more you think of your sadness... the more you will dwell in it. And the more you dwell in it, the more likely you will commit suicide. And I can testify that it's true. So, before your sorrow eats you up, divert your attention into something and anything else. Run away from it and do not dare it because it's like a virus that will ruin your system like in computers. It will kill your inspiration, happiness, confidence and self-worth. It will chase you down and haunt you in your bed and lonesome time even in your attempt to escape from it. That is why many of those who have it can't sleep for days or having an irregular sleeping patterns because of overthinking of many negative thoughts, events and outcomes. Some resort to heavy drinking or sleeping pills just to get some sleep. Others resort to eating a lot of junks and sweets with their eyes wide awake 'til gloominess shadows them.
On the other hand, others deal with depression and commit suicide because of old traditions like the "harakiri" in Japan and I do not exactly remember the name but that one tribe here in the Philippines featured in the show, "Che Che Lazaro Presents: Suicide", which any member of them even at the younger age openly commit suicide as their sign of bravery wherein in a civilized world of character measurement, it is a sign of weakness of easily giving up.
Some situation indicates that it runs in their family, in the genes. You can observe this when in one clan or family, all the deaths of their relatives or family members are because of suicide. Quite unbelievable but true in some cases. Scientifically, they call it as bipolar disorder or bipolar depression. They say that its a chemical imbalance which requires professional treatment.

Currently, more teenagers today are impulsive especially in family relationship and love issues which when turned into frustrations results in immediate suicide. Others are because of an "emo" lifestyle which even they don't really kill themselves yet manifest suicidal tendencies on their personality which later turns into their necessity and habit which makes it hard for them not do it anymore because of blood lust satisfying themselves of pain such as being a "cutter" or the one who cuts his/her wrist usually and making it a part of their normal living especially when they are being hurt and rejected.
Moreover, emotionally... traditionally... a lifestyle trend... or scientifically, suicidal tendencies are caused and triggered by depression. Not because someone shows a smiling face doesn't mean he's happy. Sometimes persons with depression hides in a mask especially in front of anyone else. So, family members and friends should be vigilant of one's mood swings and behavior. Most especially if the person starts to withdraw himself from the rest of the crowd or from the world, always alone and doesn't have any drive to do something but to be left alone in his room. Making himself singled out from anyone else.
Of course, you can help... anyone of us who knows someone suffering from this condition can be a big help. You can talk to the person but be careful with your words and don't do prejudging his character and what he's presently going through. It's not just simply talking and put in mind that it's not a "question and answer portion". It needs timing. You can invite him or her to do some activities of his/her interest together with you. then you can do the simple talk within that moment. Share your own personal experience first or much better trust your secret with that person so you can earn his/her trust back... where he/she can easily open up to you. Better yet, if you don't know which word to use... just be a good listener. And it will be a big help even just an outlet for what they have been carrying all along inside them. It will give them relief somehow even you don't have the permanent solution to their problem. Also, try to make them understand that they should help themselves too by holding on to God or to their faith. Of course, for a worst condition and for a much safer aid, the person needs to accept that he needs help... especially professional help, with the combination of minimizing stress, and having a strong relationship with the people around him/her.
As for me personally, it's my faith in God that saves me at the end of the day. I'm not the religious type then... but it's really true. You need to be fierce and brave enough to face the problem. You have to accept it as a challenge and not as a trial that will bring you down. Try to see the opportunity in every difficulty. Adjust yourself to be more positive in life and you will invite a chain reaction of positive results. It's never too late and remember that there will always be an available help for you. Put up a good fight in life and NEVER QUIT!

RESPECT FOR THE DEAD written by: Sukito

This year I failed to visit the cemetery for All Soul's day because of this untimely fever with cough and flu. Anyway, I'll try to make it up some other time. I have the rest of the year to visit my dear ones who have passed away in anytime of my availability. It's the prayers that counts after all and that's what the souls need wherein we can do it anywhere... all the time.
Last year, I have this one unforgettable visit in the cemetery with my family. I saw a beggar who entered and I thought that he's going to beg for some alms for those people who's inside the said place. I prejudged again. To my surprise, he sat as he placed a mat in front of one tomb, put a dirty artificial flowers which he pulled out from his garbage sack in front of the epitaph, lit a candle, knelt down and prayed sincerely. I kept on observing him and it was a long prayer. I've tried to pass on his back just to read the name on the epitaph. I supposed that it was his mother based on the date written on it. I somehow felt goosebumps not because of scary stuff but because I felt his genuine and deep love for his mom that he still honors even death gets in their way. I felt his sorrow and his longing for a lost loved one. People used to pass on the place where he is seated and they looked at him and stared at him from head to foot... seems like they are judging him in something negative notion and some in great pity on him. Just by his appearance, he can really caught the attention of the cemetery goers. Some people especially those nonsense teenagers used to tease him and laugh and make fun of him... and he doesn't mind it at all. I should have done something and have defended him in any possible way against those shallow-minded youngsters. But, I was preoccupied in my thought of many negative outcomes just in case I interfere in the situation plus the fact of little guilt within me because of judging him in the first place. Luckily, cemetery guards came to the rescue and all ends up well. He remained calm amidst that situation where he is the one being poked down and he doesn't care of what others might think about him. I think that what matters to him is how he will show his love for his mother although its not on his side anymore to defend him. Time has come and we were about to leave and I still saw him there while eating some few biscuits with water on the side all alone in front of his mom's grave while doing a slight chat on that stone with the cross. Others might assume that he is crazy and insane. But for me... it was a moving moment which his love for that special person six feet under the ground prevails and appears on his aura. I don't want to get sentimental, but the scene for me was heartfelt. And so the story goes...
Just by observing around when you visit the cemetery specifically here in the Philippines... which is quite shameful and unfortunate to admit, some bring liquors and getting drunk with their peers and creating trouble at the end, others bring playing cards and gamble, some makes loud noises and doing some soundtrip which is not in the right place, others are doing "public display of affection" specifically the lovers wherein it should be done in some place private and outside the territory of the dead, some bring guns and sharp weapons even it's not necessary while having a short temper which later might result into trouble. What I am trying to say is that there's a proper place and occasion in any action we're going to do and we should be responsible for our own actions. RESPECT for the dead is the keyword here and there will surely be a "Rise of the Dead" if it's possible when we never learn which is right and wrong! It's a sincere prayer for their souls... that's what they need.
Belated meaningful Halloween to all.

TO BE SOMEBODY SOMEDAY written by: Sukito

Today, I have paid our water bill in our Barangay Hall's "Bayad Center". Outside the hall, a feeding program was being held and was organized by the social workers. As I took a glance of the street children sitting in front of the long table, they were very happy and excited while waiting for their free food. One volunteer entertains them and was explaining something as the kids patiently wait. A curious and hopeful thought stirred into my mind. I told myself that one day... one of those street kids will be somebody someday. One of them might be the future President of this country, a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, a soldier, a pilot, a manager, an engineer, an executive, or maybe a humble volunteer who will be the one to be feeding another poor child like what he or she have been through as a kid. I really have a deserving high respect for the feeding programs especially for the street children. I perceived it as an act of not only feeding a hungry tummy but also resurrecting the hopes and dreams of the young ones and shaping their personality in some point as well.
On the other hand, I can see myself in those kids. I didn't grew up in a rich family. I am proud of my father and my mother that despite the financial crisis we've dealt before... they still manage to provide us for our everyday food though not extravagant, send us over to school though not private, dressed us with comfortable clothes though not expensive, sheltered us under a simple house though not a mansion. I am a nobody in school during my elementary years. I'm the one who's unnoticed, a boy from behind who just watches those extrovert and active boys who proudly plays basketball in front of everyone else. I may not have a lot of friends or peers who can always join me for a company or just to hang-out with, but I can assure them that I'm a friend 'til the end when they have me as a pal. Growing up introvert and alone isn't really happy but challenging at the same time because you will be hungry to prove yourself for the better. It's alone in the top that's what they say, but you will discover your strength and conquer your weakness in return. Personally, being always hungry for opportunities and chances is better than to be contented with nothing and die without even trying. There's nothing wrong of giving your dreams a shot. And there's no mistake that will teach you a lesson without risking for what you definitely want to do in your life... what your heart desires! Just try not to be greedy and selfish. Climbing up without stepping and pulling anyone else down. My childhood experiences and the struggles that my family and I have had humbles me down and makes me appreciate life's blessings much sweeter after its bitterness. My dreams and what I wanted to do most is still on the process and I am on my journey to get out of the maze.
All of us has our own journey to travel, dreams to chase, and goals to accomplish. Dream big! It's for free. Act on it and you will surely harvest the fruit of your labor someday! It's never wrong to be somebody someday.

SHUT DOWN! written by: Sukito

Like any other computers after being overused... they automatically shut down!

There were times in my life... in our lives that after a busy day, tiring job, stressful situations, heartaches and pain... we felt like we wanted to escape and go somewhere else alone where no one would know and disturb us. A place where we can just think things over. Where we can breathe freely and reflect on what have happened or what have we gone through the whole day! Especially when we are suffocated with many problems and wanted to forget it even for a while. I am not trying to be sentimental but I know that all of us have experienced this and all of us wanted to have a break sometimes for whatever we bear in mind. Like a "stop over" in any long travel!
If you're gonna ask my personal experience about this matter, all I can recall was that I have been through this event many times. Thinking about it, I am hoping that it wouldn't mean or give you a notion that I am living a stressful life. But really, as far as I can remember... whenever I am having this kind of dilemma... I can hardly get some sleep! Feels like you're wide awake the whole time! You've been lying in in your bed for a minute... then hours... 'til morning comes and you are still up with your eyebags unconcealed. Seems like you are a drug addict, but you're really not. It's a mixed emotion of boredom, tiredness, stress, sadness and numbness. Then, the more you dwell in it... you'll definitely fall into depression. And it will be much tougher to cope up when you are drowned in it. No matter how hard you try to divert your attention into something else, counting thousands of sheeps in your head, whether doing your favorite hobbies, or just making yourself busy... though it works sometimes if you're lucky enough. Your mind is blank and it gives you nothing but headache when you try to think harder and forget it.. Then, that's the time when you can say that your mind and body is voluntarily shutting down for some reason you can't clearly understand. I think my body and mind is trying to tell me to chill down, relax, take a break and recharge for the next day. Brace myself for what tomorrow might bring. While making it a point in my mind that God wouldn't give us anything we can't handle just to keep away the fear that awaits. Then you retire and sleep...

MY FOUR WIVES written by: Sukito

All of us has our own priorities in life. Sometimes our whole lives revolves around these things... these people. In my case, my whole world only revolves around my four wives every time and everyday. But not really on my fourth wife...
I wouldn't tell my name as well as my wives because I think that it wasn't that of much importance. All I want to share and for you to think about is my story and to all those who will read this. Maybe we are the same. Maybe we are in the same situation right now. Maybe you are currently doing what I'm doing. Maybe you are already committing the same mistake that I have done... or you are just unaware of it. Just a simple tip for you before it's not yet too late. Usually, regret always comes in the end. I just don't want you to end up on what I have been through.
I am a simple guy who have four wives. I cannot live without the four of them because I need them in my life. All of them plays an important role for me... for my whole being. Only that, I should say and admit that I am not giving equal attention to each of them. Different levels per se'. I have my personal favorites and the not so minded.
My first wife is my favorite. I am giving her all my luxuries. She's quite materialistic. From dresses, shoes, accessories, jewelries, and all the extravagance from head to foot... I'm giving it all! Even the food that's not healthy to eat as long as she wants it... I'm making her taste it!
I value my second wife. I love her coz I need her. I do admit that I really couldn't live without her and I will starve to death for she provides me anything I need. Sometimes even the needs of my first and third wife will surely be coming out from her pocket. It's really hard to survive nowadays without any allowance. That is why I cannot leave my second wife.
I love my third wife. She is my source of inspiration and moral support. She's my usual company and the one that stands with me in all my troubles in life and whenever I have a problem. When I need someone to talk to in times of sorrow and happiness. Because of her that is why I am earning hard for a living. I can't really leave her side unless the situation will force me to do so.
I also need my fourth wife. It's fine with me that she stays because I know that she wouldn't leave me. Eventhough I do not pay that much importance on her. From the time I wake up until I fall to sleep, she's always there and never keeps me off her sight. Whenever I'm alone and have problems, she's just there... listening. And you wouldn't hear a word from her. She's a good listener and maybe that's why I need her in my life. Still, I don't mind her that much despite her loyalty on me. Most of the time, I am not providing her needs... like food maybe.
Until one day, I was diagnosed with a malignant disease. My doctor said that I will only live for three months and it will be all over. There's no cure for my illness. My world shattered and I can't accept that fact especially if I will deal it all by myself. Because of what happened to me I felt that I needed some company who will stand by me all the way through. So, I asked my each of my four wives this only one question, "If something really worst will happen to me and I will be gone... would you stay with me all the way until the very end?".
My first wife answered, "I can't be with you 'til the end because I will be useless without you and I will be nothing.
My second wife answered, "I can't be with you until the end because I'd rather be in the hands of another and let them use me and benefit me than to go down with you in your destination.
My third wife answered, I just can't be with you to the very end... though how much I would have wanted to. I can support you, cry for you, or even grieve for you. But I can't go along with you to wherever you are heading.
I am already losing hope to ask my fourth wife. Yet, she knows my suffering... so I earned enough strength to ask her. My fourth wife answered me right away and without any hesitation, "I will be with you on your journey all the way until the very end".
My first wife is my "human body". It will be lifeless when I'm gone and it can't bring down to the grave all the luxuries and extravagances it got when I'm still alive.
My second wife is my "money". It will be left behind to my loved ones and will have no more use on me when I'm gone.
My third wife are my "family and friends". They can be with me when I'm still around and take care of me in times of sickness. However, they can do nothing but mourn for me when 'm dead.
My fourth wife is my "soul"... who will be with me to the very end even on the other side.
How about you? When was the last time you've been to church, had your communion, or even prayed? When was the last time you put an importance on your fourth wife... on your soul?


(This story was inspired by Fr. Larry Paz of Holy Family Parish of Marikina from his homily last June 26, 2011 on the "The Feast Of Corpus Christi". Translated into writing by yours truly, Sukito, on a manner of "first-person point of view" based on my own version of understanding on the story. I am hoping that you've reflected on this story in connection to your life and that you've learned something from it. I will be more glad if you will share this in credit to this blog and to the persons responsible for giving a body to this story. Thank you for reading.)

You can also read this on its Filipino version that I have translated on the link below...
http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2011/07/11/ang-apat-kong-asawa/.

THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE SAFETY GLASS written by: Sukito

It was a Sunday morning mass, can't remember the exact date, when a priest said in his homily in Tagalog that it's better to get angry with a person with hate words than totally not minding and noticing the person at all... for you are already considering him/her as dead and doesn't exist anymore. That's the sentence that struck me and made me feel guilty about myself especially when it comes to my relationship with my father. Suddenly, the lady sitting in front of me cried and collapsed afterwards in her seat as she was pulled out of the church by her company. I thought then that she's more guilty as charged than I do. Anyway, here's how my story goes, though I'm a little hesitant to share this and quite embarrassed for saying my own flaws. Yet, I've decided to impart it because someone might learn from it and heal their broken relationships in some way or the other.

I am the so-called "black sheep" of our family before. My father and I have this "cold war" going on between the two of us for ten years... and the whole family knows that. Before, my father always disapproves everything I do, my decisions, the people I'm with and anything about me under the sun. For that reason, I became quite rebellious somehow although I don't show it to my mother to protect her from getting stressed out because of me. My father can't show any affection on me that time and the only time we talk was when we argue and fight... I mean big fights. I should say then that he is an "absentee father"... meaning he is physically there but the presence of being a dad is absent. He's not into showing affection maybe because of the "machismo" culture that the Filipinos have. To be fair with him, he's good with my siblings and to my mom as well. Yet, I failed him in some of his expectations on me. Being visible of myself in his eyes ruins his day every time he woke up and crosses my path. Actually, behind my anger for him that time are sadness and longing for a father's attention. I've asked myself many times... Am I never gonna be good enough for him? Are we always going to treat each other this way? Time came that I've gone tired of arguing with him over and over again everyday. I've decided to totally distance myself from him and avoid him as much as possible. I assumed that he is hopeless of being good to me and changing his treatment towards me. So. I'd better pretend that I don't see him. The gap widens and it goes on for years. As much as I feel sorry for the whole family was affected by our cold war, I can't do anything. For I am the one who's only trying to adjust and change and on the other hand I don't see any change from my father. All I wanted from him is for him to try to win me back and make me feel that I am his son too. And that I exist not as disgrace in his eyes but a boy who's longing for a father's love. It sounds cheesy like in the movies but I realize that it's true in real life too. The "not minding each other" technique lowers the tension between the two of us. But, it did not solve any problem and it didn't heal any pain.

Years passed and my rebellious days are over when I've attended this mass where I've heard that striking line. Until that day, my father and I were still not in good terms and not talking to each other anymore. That moment, I've prayed to God to take over and take control of the broken relationship that my father and I have had coz I don't know how to start apologizing or doing the first move and if how will he respond to it.

The day after, my mother wanted our toilet to be tiled up. She asked someone to do the tiling. Unfortunately, it was wrongly done and was misplaced. So, my mom asked me to dismantle it and remove the misplaced tiles. While removing the tiles, I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder and there's a hand offering a protective eye gear and asking me to wear it to cover my eyes against the little broken tile pieces in the air. When I looked back... it's my father. The world seemed it stopped that moment and I'm speechless while feeling a little awkward of the situation. I just accepted the safety glass and wore it and said my thanks. Hearing his voice again in a calm mode sounds music to my ears. There's no dialogues, flashbacks, apologies and tear-jerking moments that took place between the two of us. I think we've read each other's mind that we forgive each other and it's understandable. I felt of being unloaded with a big burden and I feel light.

Up to this day, my father and I are in good terms of bonding and our relationship are getting stronger each day. And I bet that my mom and the whole family are rejoicing for that. God really works in different ways and sometimes in the most unexpected way you can never imagine. Until now, I still quite wonder if why did we waste of living our lives in misunderstanding and hatred for a decade and it was just solved in a snap with a simple tap and because of one safety glass. Quite funny and a miracle to me of how a simple act can make a big change in your life.

On the other hand, I don't regret of having those not so good experiences in my life before. Because it taught me the best lessons and left me nothing but wisdom for myself to benefit later on with it and share this slice of my life with others. I can say now that I'm free from any anger and longing issues right now.

To all the fathers out there, literally or in any way, and to my father that I lost his presence with for many years and presently reconciled with... HAPPY FATHER's DAY!

"SUKITOLUTION" written by: Sukito

Whewww! At last, I got the guts to share a little something about myself personally. I simply wanted to impart a little piece of me to make even a small connection to my readers.

There’s something at the back of my mind that wanted to make nice things work for me. I just wanna do it without expecting too much on anything… what I mean was, my goals in life. As I've heard from a priest friend, one saying goes like this... "with more expectations, comes more frustrations". Hhhmmm… I think I should call this as “sukitolution”, instead of a resolution for the whole year. And, it’s not a list… but a deed.

It’s really hard for me to share anything about myself because I’m a type of guy who speaks less and a total introvert. My life seems normal in first glance, but it really wasnt good per se. I perceived myself as an average student when it comes academically. I’m not lucky in love yet I can’t say it’s zero. Careerwise? not really secure. I still haven’t met my dream job where I know that I can be happy doing it without only thinking about money and salary. Quite not in good terms domestically… but trying to make both ends meet and bridge the gap. I have my focus in life eventhough my way through it is blurry. There’s no clear direction on my mind on what lies ahead of me. I can’t say that I’m a happy-go-lucky coz I’m a homebuddy most of the time when I’m not busy. Maybe this is the downside of me and only proves the vulnerability of my human existence. I just go with the flow of what a normal living should be. Fixing things up when it’s needed. I am definitely not entertaining any problems right now though I am aware of its presence. I just don’t want to get stressed out of it. I suppose that this is my way of facing my troubles and shortcomings. I’m quite numb.

On the other hand, It wasn’t bad after all. I’ve been on the darker side of life and it made me know myself better. I have no reason to question or to get angry with God with some traumatic experiences that I’ve had. Not meant to sound preachy… but I wanted to assume that God notices me so much that he entrusted me with all those trials coz maybe He thinks that I can get through it and I can handle it well. It’s not yet over and I’m hoping to be their conqueror someday. I was wrong for making a lot of excuses and that I focus too much on what I lack without using and developing what I already have. I’m the one who should be responsible for the consequences of my own actions and I should stop on blaming others for my loss. We are in authority of our own lives anyways. Believe me! Readiness comes along the way and never before any downfall. The ghost of my past keeps on haunting me and I don’t want to run away from it anymore. Lately, one of my biggest relationship struggle in life just got healed just because of a single gesture. A decade of gap was bridged by a minute of the simplest action that made an impact of being reconciled.

I am not perfect and I may be a lost soul with lots of flaws… but it made me found my faith where my strength lies. It was right then… with acceptance comes healing.

BRUISES AND BROTHERHOOD written by: Sukito

“A true companionship is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress”, a scripture once told. How is it nowadays? Is “brod” thicker than water?

It’s an unexplainable kind of brotherhood. Viewed with different meanings, awakens deep loyalty, a tradition turning as necessity, a hidden academic requirement, where passing of aching muscles becomes a rule, a sadistic yet satisfying kind of friendship, a painful ladder to success…?

Fraternity, sorority, or whatever way you call it. It is a killer in camouflage. Seducing young dreamers aiming for success, support, belongingness and companionship. A secret act yet a visible image made legal. Trying to blend in normally inside and outside the campus. Aren’t they taking advantage of one’s weakness who’s seeking for what they claiming that they provide? Attracting freshmen and newcomers with famous names of those identities who are in the peak of their careers or those who already established a name in their field. Those they say as their pillars and protectors.

Actually, I don’t get the point of hurting someone down to its grave if you really want to help him/her reach his/her dreams or just simply being a good friend who’s ready to catch a bullet in times of desperate need. We cannot also blame those brotherhoods because folks joining them are really willing to do it knowing that the paddle will be the one to entertain them together with other forms of torture once they get in. Besides, they are not just ordinary youth… but smart ones. Students who excel academically. Brave intelligent people that’s making risky decisions. Some do succeed as they passed the test or should I say the “hazing”. Try to realize that it was not their intelligence that’s being tested but their survival instinct and their endurance to pain. Afterwards… what’s next? What’s the sense of it and what’s its connection of being a true blue companion? Can’t we be a loyal “brod” without black eyes and bruises? Do we have to mourn in the name of friendship?

I have no right to say anything against all those brotherhoods and sisterhoods out there because I’m not into it. I mean no offense to brotherhoods and others of its kind because fraternities wayback long time ago are not that “deadly”. It was the act of “hazing” that I condemn and not the companionship it offers! I also don’t blame the “victims” and the “almost victims” who decided to join in its attractive claws because all of us are entitled to make our own decisions and be responsible enough for it! I respect it because it was what they think that can shape their future into a good one. It was always with the best intention that the worst thing can happen. Symphaty and prayers for a blind justice who doesn’t look who’s big and small is all I can offer.

Anyways, BRUISES and BROTHERHOOD… no connection, nothing in common. Only just, they both starts… with a letter “B”!

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE IS DEDICATED FOR ALL THE VICTIMS OF FRATERNITY/SORORITY/GANG TORTURE AND HAZING!!!