MERCY and COMPASSION

     MERCY is divine when freely given with a heart full of COMPASSION.

     When Pope Francis came here in the Philippines for his PAPAL VISIT within the period of January 15-19, 2015... our family and I made it a point to see the Pope and go to hear his mass at the Quirino Grandstand. His visit has a theme of "Mercy and Compassion", for the Pope wanted to visit and show his compassion towards the victim of the last typhoon and earthquake that took many lives and left grieving families empty-handed in Visayas, Philippines. 

     It turned out to be rainy that day due to a typhoon. But still, people were eager enough to see the Pope personally despite of the bad weather condition. As we head to the mass before sunrise in Rizal Park, popularly known as Luneta, a mother with his two young boys approached and begged us if they can come with us as we commute  and do the long walk in going to the said mass for the reason that she and her kids don't know how to get there. And so my mom, my siblings and I agreed for them to come with us. The closer we get to our destination, the more the crowd gets bigger. Roads are getting congested and overcrowded. Our family is firm in heading  in the front area of the grandstand because we really wanted to see Pope Francis in personal for this is once in a lifetime chance and might never happen again or might took years and decades before this moment repeats itself. But, the mother that joined us ask if we can just stay in the place where we are currently standing because her children can't go on anymore due to tiredness, hunger, and coldness as the rain continues... and we only have our plastic raincoats as protection against it.

     Aside from the fact that they were also carrying big bags and a Sto. Niño image as well. Our family and I stayed because we should prioritize the safety of the children that's with us... although we really wanted to be in front and see the Pope in person. Still, safety should come first especially for the kids.The  most awaited moment came as Pope Francis waved his hands among the crowd... and we failed to see him personally because of the overwhelming crowd.

     We felt frustrated of not seeing the Pope in person. Yet, we felt blessed because we have lived his message which is "Mercy and Compassion", by showing it to the mother and children who got along with us.

Photos by: Sukito San  

RESPECT FOR THE DEAD written by: Sukito

This year I failed to visit the cemetery for All Soul's day because of this untimely fever with cough and flu. Anyway, I'll try to make it up some other time. I have the rest of the year to visit my dear ones who have passed away in anytime of my availability. It's the prayers that counts after all and that's what the souls need wherein we can do it anywhere... all the time.
Last year, I have this one unforgettable visit in the cemetery with my family. I saw a beggar who entered and I thought that he's going to beg for some alms for those people who's inside the said place. I prejudged again. To my surprise, he sat as he placed a mat in front of one tomb, put a dirty artificial flowers which he pulled out from his garbage sack in front of the epitaph, lit a candle, knelt down and prayed sincerely. I kept on observing him and it was a long prayer. I've tried to pass on his back just to read the name on the epitaph. I supposed that it was his mother based on the date written on it. I somehow felt goosebumps not because of scary stuff but because I felt his genuine and deep love for his mom that he still honors even death gets in their way. I felt his sorrow and his longing for a lost loved one. People used to pass on the place where he is seated and they looked at him and stared at him from head to foot... seems like they are judging him in something negative notion and some in great pity on him. Just by his appearance, he can really caught the attention of the cemetery goers. Some people especially those nonsense teenagers used to tease him and laugh and make fun of him... and he doesn't mind it at all. I should have done something and have defended him in any possible way against those shallow-minded youngsters. But, I was preoccupied in my thought of many negative outcomes just in case I interfere in the situation plus the fact of little guilt within me because of judging him in the first place. Luckily, cemetery guards came to the rescue and all ends up well. He remained calm amidst that situation where he is the one being poked down and he doesn't care of what others might think about him. I think that what matters to him is how he will show his love for his mother although its not on his side anymore to defend him. Time has come and we were about to leave and I still saw him there while eating some few biscuits with water on the side all alone in front of his mom's grave while doing a slight chat on that stone with the cross. Others might assume that he is crazy and insane. But for me... it was a moving moment which his love for that special person six feet under the ground prevails and appears on his aura. I don't want to get sentimental, but the scene for me was heartfelt. And so the story goes...
Just by observing around when you visit the cemetery specifically here in the Philippines... which is quite shameful and unfortunate to admit, some bring liquors and getting drunk with their peers and creating trouble at the end, others bring playing cards and gamble, some makes loud noises and doing some soundtrip which is not in the right place, others are doing "public display of affection" specifically the lovers wherein it should be done in some place private and outside the territory of the dead, some bring guns and sharp weapons even it's not necessary while having a short temper which later might result into trouble. What I am trying to say is that there's a proper place and occasion in any action we're going to do and we should be responsible for our own actions. RESPECT for the dead is the keyword here and there will surely be a "Rise of the Dead" if it's possible when we never learn which is right and wrong! It's a sincere prayer for their souls... that's what they need.
Belated meaningful Halloween to all.

TO BE SOMEBODY SOMEDAY written by: Sukito

Today, I have paid our water bill in our Barangay Hall's "Bayad Center". Outside the hall, a feeding program was being held and was organized by the social workers. As I took a glance of the street children sitting in front of the long table, they were very happy and excited while waiting for their free food. One volunteer entertains them and was explaining something as the kids patiently wait. A curious and hopeful thought stirred into my mind. I told myself that one day... one of those street kids will be somebody someday. One of them might be the future President of this country, a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, a soldier, a pilot, a manager, an engineer, an executive, or maybe a humble volunteer who will be the one to be feeding another poor child like what he or she have been through as a kid. I really have a deserving high respect for the feeding programs especially for the street children. I perceived it as an act of not only feeding a hungry tummy but also resurrecting the hopes and dreams of the young ones and shaping their personality in some point as well.
On the other hand, I can see myself in those kids. I didn't grew up in a rich family. I am proud of my father and my mother that despite the financial crisis we've dealt before... they still manage to provide us for our everyday food though not extravagant, send us over to school though not private, dressed us with comfortable clothes though not expensive, sheltered us under a simple house though not a mansion. I am a nobody in school during my elementary years. I'm the one who's unnoticed, a boy from behind who just watches those extrovert and active boys who proudly plays basketball in front of everyone else. I may not have a lot of friends or peers who can always join me for a company or just to hang-out with, but I can assure them that I'm a friend 'til the end when they have me as a pal. Growing up introvert and alone isn't really happy but challenging at the same time because you will be hungry to prove yourself for the better. It's alone in the top that's what they say, but you will discover your strength and conquer your weakness in return. Personally, being always hungry for opportunities and chances is better than to be contented with nothing and die without even trying. There's nothing wrong of giving your dreams a shot. And there's no mistake that will teach you a lesson without risking for what you definitely want to do in your life... what your heart desires! Just try not to be greedy and selfish. Climbing up without stepping and pulling anyone else down. My childhood experiences and the struggles that my family and I have had humbles me down and makes me appreciate life's blessings much sweeter after its bitterness. My dreams and what I wanted to do most is still on the process and I am on my journey to get out of the maze.
All of us has our own journey to travel, dreams to chase, and goals to accomplish. Dream big! It's for free. Act on it and you will surely harvest the fruit of your labor someday! It's never wrong to be somebody someday.

SHUT DOWN! written by: Sukito

Like any other computers after being overused... they automatically shut down!

There were times in my life... in our lives that after a busy day, tiring job, stressful situations, heartaches and pain... we felt like we wanted to escape and go somewhere else alone where no one would know and disturb us. A place where we can just think things over. Where we can breathe freely and reflect on what have happened or what have we gone through the whole day! Especially when we are suffocated with many problems and wanted to forget it even for a while. I am not trying to be sentimental but I know that all of us have experienced this and all of us wanted to have a break sometimes for whatever we bear in mind. Like a "stop over" in any long travel!
If you're gonna ask my personal experience about this matter, all I can recall was that I have been through this event many times. Thinking about it, I am hoping that it wouldn't mean or give you a notion that I am living a stressful life. But really, as far as I can remember... whenever I am having this kind of dilemma... I can hardly get some sleep! Feels like you're wide awake the whole time! You've been lying in in your bed for a minute... then hours... 'til morning comes and you are still up with your eyebags unconcealed. Seems like you are a drug addict, but you're really not. It's a mixed emotion of boredom, tiredness, stress, sadness and numbness. Then, the more you dwell in it... you'll definitely fall into depression. And it will be much tougher to cope up when you are drowned in it. No matter how hard you try to divert your attention into something else, counting thousands of sheeps in your head, whether doing your favorite hobbies, or just making yourself busy... though it works sometimes if you're lucky enough. Your mind is blank and it gives you nothing but headache when you try to think harder and forget it.. Then, that's the time when you can say that your mind and body is voluntarily shutting down for some reason you can't clearly understand. I think my body and mind is trying to tell me to chill down, relax, take a break and recharge for the next day. Brace myself for what tomorrow might bring. While making it a point in my mind that God wouldn't give us anything we can't handle just to keep away the fear that awaits. Then you retire and sleep...

THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE SAFETY GLASS written by: Sukito

It was a Sunday morning mass, can't remember the exact date, when a priest said in his homily in Tagalog that it's better to get angry with a person with hate words than totally not minding and noticing the person at all... for you are already considering him/her as dead and doesn't exist anymore. That's the sentence that struck me and made me feel guilty about myself especially when it comes to my relationship with my father. Suddenly, the lady sitting in front of me cried and collapsed afterwards in her seat as she was pulled out of the church by her company. I thought then that she's more guilty as charged than I do. Anyway, here's how my story goes, though I'm a little hesitant to share this and quite embarrassed for saying my own flaws. Yet, I've decided to impart it because someone might learn from it and heal their broken relationships in some way or the other.

I am the so-called "black sheep" of our family before. My father and I have this "cold war" going on between the two of us for ten years... and the whole family knows that. Before, my father always disapproves everything I do, my decisions, the people I'm with and anything about me under the sun. For that reason, I became quite rebellious somehow although I don't show it to my mother to protect her from getting stressed out because of me. My father can't show any affection on me that time and the only time we talk was when we argue and fight... I mean big fights. I should say then that he is an "absentee father"... meaning he is physically there but the presence of being a dad is absent. He's not into showing affection maybe because of the "machismo" culture that the Filipinos have. To be fair with him, he's good with my siblings and to my mom as well. Yet, I failed him in some of his expectations on me. Being visible of myself in his eyes ruins his day every time he woke up and crosses my path. Actually, behind my anger for him that time are sadness and longing for a father's attention. I've asked myself many times... Am I never gonna be good enough for him? Are we always going to treat each other this way? Time came that I've gone tired of arguing with him over and over again everyday. I've decided to totally distance myself from him and avoid him as much as possible. I assumed that he is hopeless of being good to me and changing his treatment towards me. So. I'd better pretend that I don't see him. The gap widens and it goes on for years. As much as I feel sorry for the whole family was affected by our cold war, I can't do anything. For I am the one who's only trying to adjust and change and on the other hand I don't see any change from my father. All I wanted from him is for him to try to win me back and make me feel that I am his son too. And that I exist not as disgrace in his eyes but a boy who's longing for a father's love. It sounds cheesy like in the movies but I realize that it's true in real life too. The "not minding each other" technique lowers the tension between the two of us. But, it did not solve any problem and it didn't heal any pain.

Years passed and my rebellious days are over when I've attended this mass where I've heard that striking line. Until that day, my father and I were still not in good terms and not talking to each other anymore. That moment, I've prayed to God to take over and take control of the broken relationship that my father and I have had coz I don't know how to start apologizing or doing the first move and if how will he respond to it.

The day after, my mother wanted our toilet to be tiled up. She asked someone to do the tiling. Unfortunately, it was wrongly done and was misplaced. So, my mom asked me to dismantle it and remove the misplaced tiles. While removing the tiles, I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder and there's a hand offering a protective eye gear and asking me to wear it to cover my eyes against the little broken tile pieces in the air. When I looked back... it's my father. The world seemed it stopped that moment and I'm speechless while feeling a little awkward of the situation. I just accepted the safety glass and wore it and said my thanks. Hearing his voice again in a calm mode sounds music to my ears. There's no dialogues, flashbacks, apologies and tear-jerking moments that took place between the two of us. I think we've read each other's mind that we forgive each other and it's understandable. I felt of being unloaded with a big burden and I feel light.

Up to this day, my father and I are in good terms of bonding and our relationship are getting stronger each day. And I bet that my mom and the whole family are rejoicing for that. God really works in different ways and sometimes in the most unexpected way you can never imagine. Until now, I still quite wonder if why did we waste of living our lives in misunderstanding and hatred for a decade and it was just solved in a snap with a simple tap and because of one safety glass. Quite funny and a miracle to me of how a simple act can make a big change in your life.

On the other hand, I don't regret of having those not so good experiences in my life before. Because it taught me the best lessons and left me nothing but wisdom for myself to benefit later on with it and share this slice of my life with others. I can say now that I'm free from any anger and longing issues right now.

To all the fathers out there, literally or in any way, and to my father that I lost his presence with for many years and presently reconciled with... HAPPY FATHER's DAY!

"SUKITOLUTION" written by: Sukito

Whewww! At last, I got the guts to share a little something about myself personally. I simply wanted to impart a little piece of me to make even a small connection to my readers.

There’s something at the back of my mind that wanted to make nice things work for me. I just wanna do it without expecting too much on anything… what I mean was, my goals in life. As I've heard from a priest friend, one saying goes like this... "with more expectations, comes more frustrations". Hhhmmm… I think I should call this as “sukitolution”, instead of a resolution for the whole year. And, it’s not a list… but a deed.

It’s really hard for me to share anything about myself because I’m a type of guy who speaks less and a total introvert. My life seems normal in first glance, but it really wasnt good per se. I perceived myself as an average student when it comes academically. I’m not lucky in love yet I can’t say it’s zero. Careerwise? not really secure. I still haven’t met my dream job where I know that I can be happy doing it without only thinking about money and salary. Quite not in good terms domestically… but trying to make both ends meet and bridge the gap. I have my focus in life eventhough my way through it is blurry. There’s no clear direction on my mind on what lies ahead of me. I can’t say that I’m a happy-go-lucky coz I’m a homebuddy most of the time when I’m not busy. Maybe this is the downside of me and only proves the vulnerability of my human existence. I just go with the flow of what a normal living should be. Fixing things up when it’s needed. I am definitely not entertaining any problems right now though I am aware of its presence. I just don’t want to get stressed out of it. I suppose that this is my way of facing my troubles and shortcomings. I’m quite numb.

On the other hand, It wasn’t bad after all. I’ve been on the darker side of life and it made me know myself better. I have no reason to question or to get angry with God with some traumatic experiences that I’ve had. Not meant to sound preachy… but I wanted to assume that God notices me so much that he entrusted me with all those trials coz maybe He thinks that I can get through it and I can handle it well. It’s not yet over and I’m hoping to be their conqueror someday. I was wrong for making a lot of excuses and that I focus too much on what I lack without using and developing what I already have. I’m the one who should be responsible for the consequences of my own actions and I should stop on blaming others for my loss. We are in authority of our own lives anyways. Believe me! Readiness comes along the way and never before any downfall. The ghost of my past keeps on haunting me and I don’t want to run away from it anymore. Lately, one of my biggest relationship struggle in life just got healed just because of a single gesture. A decade of gap was bridged by a minute of the simplest action that made an impact of being reconciled.

I am not perfect and I may be a lost soul with lots of flaws… but it made me found my faith where my strength lies. It was right then… with acceptance comes healing.

FORGOTTEN WAYS written by: Sukito

Last month I was visiting our municipal hall when I saw a painter in the lobby having an exhibit of his artwork while doing his painting on-the-spot. It struck me somehow for it made me remember what I love doing before when I was still a kid. I love to draw and sketch anything then. As I grew up my love for drawing and sketching evolved into painting. I got to paint before using oil pastels, water color, poster color, paint, and of course... the usual crayons that taught me how to recognize and admire colors and relate to each color emotionally. Today, since I graduated from high school I stopped painting as a hobby. I started to get busy in my school and academic life most especially when I was in college. I've been exposed to the world of technology and my art turned out to be done in the digital way... from powerpoint down to the photoshop. The painting exhibit with the painter doing an "on-the-spot painting while signing the autograph of those who admire his work made me go back to my old self. Is this how far I've been? Forgetting those fist things I love doing most with the benefit of my hand alone and without the aid of modernization. My mom said that it is my gift from God that I should be sharing and be thankful for. One thing that's in me that I should enhance well and show to others by interpreting what's on my mind and what I feel inside that may enable anyone who will see it to relate in it and express their emotions as well. They said that any talent or skills you got when not regularly practiced or developed might be gone in the later part of our lives and will be wasted more when not shown or shared especially for the benefit of yourself and others.

Back to basics, not only into painting or in any talent we have. But into those first things that taught us anything about life, and made us feel certain things that we haven't felt before... the first hug, first kiss, first friend, first ABC's, first laugh or bonding moment with someone we love and respect, first failures and heartaches, the first time we move on and saw hope, the first people that inspire us and the first time we've been taught how to pray. To simplify it, our first lessons in life!

It doesn't require a big amount of effort who you were and where you came from before you got into your status right now. This may sound cheesy but I am hoping that this article might make anyone who reads this to smile and reminisce those old days to cherish. How about you... who you were before?

AN IMMEASURABLE FAITH written by: Sukito

It was January 9, 2011... when I've had this jeepney ride with my mom. We were heading halfway to our destination when a middle-aged guy came riding inside the public vehicle. He's wearing an ordinary black shirt paired up with a dirty-looking maong short. He got tunnels in his both ears including some piercings in his face. Most of all, the one that caught my attention and all the passengers in the jeepney as well was that the man wasn't wearing any footwear, not even a single pair of slippers. Aside from the fact that his feet was totally dirty and muddy. I suppose that everyone who saw him that day will think that he's insane. The only thing that convinced me that he's not nuts was when he paid for his fare. He knows his destination as well as his change for his fare and he speaks simple but clear and normal too. He's going into somewhere far while he knew that he's barefooted. He's also not ashamed on his looks. And I'm surprised when I saw that he's carrying a rosary in his pocket as he pulled out his money. So the story goes...

When I got home, I kinda watched the news... and only then that I knew and recall that January 9, 2011 is the "Feast of the Black Nazarene" where its devotees used to travel barefooted and go all the way to the Quiapo Church where the said patron saint lies and being paraded within the vicinity. Walking without anything on your feet is only one way to make your sacrifice for any petition, healing, or thanksgiving you wanted to do in return. And as we all know that joining the procession of the said feast is really life-risking, tiring and dangerous at the same time for it is definitely overcrowded and stampede-like where some folks are not making it 'til the end. And in the news, 6 million devotees are expected to participate in the procession or maybe more.

I suddenly remember the man that I saw that day who's barefooted and who looks like a drug addict and got those body piercings on him. He is a devotee of the Black Nazarene! And his faith obviously doesn't reflect on his outside appearance. It made me think and smile somehow that faith in God should really start and come from within and not on the external looks.

LOOKS ARE DECEIVING written by: Sukito

Recently, I've had this unexpected experience in a drugstore. It was an ironic encounter and made me think somehow.

It was that day when my mom asked me to buy an eye drop for her. My mom gave me seventy pesos (Php 70.00) to be exact assuming that it's more than enough for the price of an eye drop for the red eyes. Later, I was in the drugstore and I already got what I needed. So, I started to fall in line. I noticed the man ahead of me in the line towards the counter. He's a skinny, dark and old man with three kids holding on his hand. I assumed that those are his children and they pretty looked like that they haven't taken a bath for days. No offense meant for them and I don't mean to be rude but that's how I can easily describe them based on the way they appearred to me. I can't deny to myself that I felt a little pity on them, to the man and to the kids. And so the story goes...

When it was my turn to pay for the eye drop on the counter, the sales lady already punched the item in the cashier and said that the total cost of the item that I got was seventy five pesos (Php 75.00) in all. I was about to pull out my money in my pocket when I realized that I only have seventy pesos, no more... no less. Unfortunately, I didn't bring any extra money that time. So, I lacked out an amount of five pesos (Php 5.00). I'm quite confused and I told the sales lady that I have to get out first and get back home to provide the lacking five peso amount of the product that I bought... though I know that our home is quite far in the said drug store in terms of distance. Without further ado and explanation, the man that I just felt pity with got near me in the counter and paid the remaining five pesos. No other words came out of my mouth that time but "thank you". And the man just bowed down after I said my gratitude on him. Then, he left away immediately out of the drug store with his kids without any words at all.

I'm so focused of feeling pity for them and it turned out that I'm the one who's in need of help from him. I felt judgmental of myself towards them and that I perceived them in their external appearances without knowing what they are capable of doing. Maybe, it was only a little amount of five pesos and that simplest and humble gesture from him means a lot and impacted me so much. Looks are really deceiving sometimes and we shouldn't really judge the book by its cover. I suddenly remember what Alanis Morissette asked on her song, "isn't it ironic... don't you think?".

LOTTO FEVER ONCE AGAIN written by: Sukito

Have you already heard the song, "Billionaire", by Bruno Mars and Travie McCoy? It's in trend to listen to it right now especially if you are one of those Filipinos who plays for the chance to win Php 135 million and still growing each time as long as no one hits the jackpot. Whenever this time comes, you can somehow say that, "Money really makes the world go round".

I don’t really gamble in any kind, may it be legal and definitely never illegal. But this time, I’ve tried to give it a shot… who knows? Libre lang naman ang mangarap. Hindi nga lang ang pagtaya, bente pesos din ‘yon. At the back of my mind, I was thinking that twenty pesos is worthless if you’re lucky enough to win the jackpot price. It was a long line at pumila pa rin ako. Wala naman ‘yon kumpara sa ibang pilang napilahan ko… gaya ng sa pagbabayad ng tuition fee na umiikot pa sa buong campus building no’n.

I just wanted to know if how does it feel to play with guessing that six numbers of Philippine Lotto Draw that can make a change in anyone’s life eventhough it wasn’t a big deal for me. It was indeed a game of chance, and normal weird thoughts came into my mind then. I was imagining those things that I will buy just in case I won. I was thinking of a house and lot, a car maybe, a condo unit, franchising a big business, clothes, shoes and the likes, going out of town or out of the country will do, donating to our church or into any charity. Lastly, “balato“ syempre sa pamilya’t mga kamag-anak. Anyway, before my illusions goes a long way. I’ve realized that all those things that I’ve thought of having are mostly material. Money will always be money! I don’t want to be a hypocrite to say that I don’t need it. Even it was often identified as the root of all evil. That’s what we are earning for and we still need it for a better way of living especially if you are already married with kids. Actually, it really depends upon the person if where and how is he/she gonna use it. I am thinking too if those people that I’m with in the line were also desiring of those things that I’ve had in mind. They are people in all walks of life, may mayaman, may mahirap, may empleyado, may tambay, may pulubi… syempre, mawawala ba ang mga sugarol at ang mga mananaya talaga ng lotto. ‘Pag pera na talaga ang pinag-uusapan, naghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan!

Anyways, it turned out that my six numbers weren't lucky enough to be picked. Thank God, I didn’t expect too much on it! As it was said, “With great expectations, comes more frustrations”. At least, I wouldn’t feel frustrated after all. It was only a try and I wouldn’t blame myself that I didn’t gave it a shot. It came to me that I wanted to get those things that I’ve had longed for, in my own good way… mas masarap siguro ang pakiramdam ng ganu’n, long term nga lang bago mo maabot. Instant money usually ends up in instant loss based on some stories that I’ve heard.

Suddenly, I’ve recalled what Professor Dumbledore told Harry Potter, “IT DOESN’T DO WELL TO DWELL IN DREAMS… AND FORGET TO LIVE…”.

A BIRTHDAY DATE WITH GOD written by: Sukito

What really makes one person happy?
This question always pops up in my mind whenever my birthday comes. I do not know if what should I expect out of myself and from the people around me. When I was a kid, my birthday was one of the awaited day to celebrate. Of course, lots of gifts and treats that brings some sense of excitement and surprise. Later on, I've figured out that as people grow... things change and we're starting to have different and bigger expectations in life. It's true then that nothing's permanent in this world except for change itself. I value toys and other material stuff before when I was seven and it made me contented somehow. Unlike today, I am more happy... maybe of some material things but big ones like real cars, gadgets or house and lot. Still, I assume that I am looking for a different kind of satisfaction which will last for long and which will bring me a genuine kind of gratitude and joy. Maybe, those which cannot be bought by money alone. Yet, I don't want to be a hypocrite because I know that money plays a big part in our everyday living especially nowadays and in times of crisis. Although, I have a different perspective in life right now. I want a life with sense and meaning which can show my worth to myself and to all those people I love.
Presently, I am still speechless and doesn't have a definite answer if I am asked of being happy or what have I done useful lately. Figures will be added in our age each time our natal days were remembered and celebrated. But, are we worth of that number? Am I accomplished enough though I have gone quite far in terms of experience? Have I learned something where myself can benefit for the better? Well, I do not know exactly. One thing I know is that I'm partly happy and will be filled up with contentment when I reach my goals. I want to live a life not only for me but most of all for my family. I wanted to be the one who will accomplish my parents' dreams of living a comfortable life. It includes securing my future as well. As it is said, "earn while you were young, spend when you are old". I wanted to be the conqueror of my own dreams without being dictated by the norms of society and what some say as right and wrong. Eventhough, time revolves around me and leaving me a feeling of being trapped in the pit. Anyway, I am grateful that I can celebrate my birthday in good health regardless of all those trials and difficulties I've been through. That what really matters. It made me a whole person and growing stronger to face another chapter.
For now, I am celebrating my birthday differently. Skipping family treats in fine dine in or in "dampa", hanging out with friends with "inuman" sessions... yet I don't drink alcohol. I think I'll just pray. Some might find it boring but it's mind-refreshing and can rejuvenate your faith. Prayer is the strength of man in times of turmoil and God's weakness for He has no choice but to listen and answer that prayer. Today, I heard a mass and just had my birthday date with God.
God bless...