"SUKITOLUTION" written by: Sukito

Whewww! At last, I got the guts to share a little something about myself personally. I simply wanted to impart a little piece of me to make even a small connection to my readers.

There’s something at the back of my mind that wanted to make nice things work for me. I just wanna do it without expecting too much on anything… what I mean was, my goals in life. As I've heard from a priest friend, one saying goes like this... "with more expectations, comes more frustrations". Hhhmmm… I think I should call this as “sukitolution”, instead of a resolution for the whole year. And, it’s not a list… but a deed.

It’s really hard for me to share anything about myself because I’m a type of guy who speaks less and a total introvert. My life seems normal in first glance, but it really wasnt good per se. I perceived myself as an average student when it comes academically. I’m not lucky in love yet I can’t say it’s zero. Careerwise? not really secure. I still haven’t met my dream job where I know that I can be happy doing it without only thinking about money and salary. Quite not in good terms domestically… but trying to make both ends meet and bridge the gap. I have my focus in life eventhough my way through it is blurry. There’s no clear direction on my mind on what lies ahead of me. I can’t say that I’m a happy-go-lucky coz I’m a homebuddy most of the time when I’m not busy. Maybe this is the downside of me and only proves the vulnerability of my human existence. I just go with the flow of what a normal living should be. Fixing things up when it’s needed. I am definitely not entertaining any problems right now though I am aware of its presence. I just don’t want to get stressed out of it. I suppose that this is my way of facing my troubles and shortcomings. I’m quite numb.

On the other hand, It wasn’t bad after all. I’ve been on the darker side of life and it made me know myself better. I have no reason to question or to get angry with God with some traumatic experiences that I’ve had. Not meant to sound preachy… but I wanted to assume that God notices me so much that he entrusted me with all those trials coz maybe He thinks that I can get through it and I can handle it well. It’s not yet over and I’m hoping to be their conqueror someday. I was wrong for making a lot of excuses and that I focus too much on what I lack without using and developing what I already have. I’m the one who should be responsible for the consequences of my own actions and I should stop on blaming others for my loss. We are in authority of our own lives anyways. Believe me! Readiness comes along the way and never before any downfall. The ghost of my past keeps on haunting me and I don’t want to run away from it anymore. Lately, one of my biggest relationship struggle in life just got healed just because of a single gesture. A decade of gap was bridged by a minute of the simplest action that made an impact of being reconciled.

I am not perfect and I may be a lost soul with lots of flaws… but it made me found my faith where my strength lies. It was right then… with acceptance comes healing.